omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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