look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
