I accidentally burped into my bong.
I smell stomach acid.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
