I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
