it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How does one acquire holy water?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
