Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
