the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
