she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
