honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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