i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
