What a fucking waste of an outfit
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
