Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
