I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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