i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
