If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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