Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
