Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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