We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
