I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
