I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize