You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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