You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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