If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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