Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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