I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
