My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
