I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
