so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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