she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
