Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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