My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
