I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
