he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
