We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
