Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
