ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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