dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
