Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
