if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
