i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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