I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
