im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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