Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
tell me about the fingering
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