Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
