I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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