you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
