Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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