That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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