well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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