We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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