I didn't shave. On purpose
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
