Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
