He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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