I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
