please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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