I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize