Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
