Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
