maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
