is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
