she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
