He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
