I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
