I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
