Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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