Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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